Depression

Again and again people say (or imply)  that depression is the same as sadness.  It isn't.  It isn't the same as grief, either.  Or loss.  Or unhappiness.  Of course all those things can lead to depression, and you can feel them at the same time as you are depressed, but they are not depression.  Believe me, I know.
 
Depression is the absence of 'colour'.  It is 'greyness'.  Everything seems too much trouble.  There's no point in doing things.  There's no purpose to life, no meaning in life.  There's no joy, no ecstasy, no bliss.  There's just grey.

Sadness and grief and loss and unhappiness are not grey.  They are 'coloured'.  You feel them.  And how!  They hurt, sometimes terribly, and deeply, and for a long time.  There is pain.  Depression is not the same as pain.

What is true though, is that you cannot 'snap out' of any of them.  That offensive exhortation by the happy (and cretinous) is useless and only shows the speaker's ignorance and lack of insight.  With luck and time and relentless hard work they may in the end go away.  In my case, my grief and loss have diminished.  But low grade depression remains.  In effect, the joy has gone out of life.  It's not a lethal thing, I think.  But it makes it hard to care about so many things.  And it leaves you with so little energy!  When I think of how much energy and get-up-and-go I had when I was younger!

So tonight,  to ward off the blahs, I will watch an episode of Poirot and drink a glass or two of wine.

Bugger!  I feel better already!  :-)